|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WEEKLY FOOD FOR THOUGHT Need an inspirational thought...a chuckle or two... something to inspire you and get you through the day? Well, you've come to the right place. Check here at least weekly for new bits of inspiration. Sometimes more than once per week...sometimes not...but check often so you don't miss anything. * * * * * * * * *
* * (Saturday, January 31, 2004) SKUNKS I'VE RUN WITH Ever run
with a skunk? * * * * * * * * * * (Friday,
January 30, 2004) THE FIRST CHURCH OF FOOTBALL
In a never-ending effort to attract the
unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar
terminology into familiar football phrases:
ASSISTANT COACH: Every mother who has a kid in the children's Christmas program. BLITZ: The strategic play that takes place two seconds after every benediction. BLOCKING: Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting. COACH: The children's Christmas program director. COMMERCIAL: Announcements. DRAFT CHOICE: The decision to sit close to an air conditioning vent. DRAW PLAY: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service. END ZONE: The pews. EXTRA POINT: What you receive when you tell the preacher his sermon was too short. FIRST QUARTER: What most people put into the Sunday school offering so it looks like they are giving. FOURTH QUARTER: The amount that makes up the $1 most people put into the Sunday school offering when under peer pressure to give more. HAIL MARY: Desperate move made by ushers in a last-ditch attempt to get people to put something in the plate. HALFTIME: Usually during the offertory when at least 14 people decide they need to use the restroom. HOLDING: Passing on the offering place without putting in a cent. ILLEGAL MOTION: Leaving before the benediction. INTERFERENCE: Talking during the organ prelude. OFFSIDES: When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room (severe penalty incurred). PASS: When the new couple says no. PASS INTERFERENCE: A parent moving between two teens in the pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon. QUARTERBACK SNEAK:
1. How the pastor gets from the pulpit to
the rear door during the benediction.
2. Sunday school teachers entering the
building five minutes after classes began.
RAIN DELAY: Baptism RED DOG: Common strategy performed each Sunday by those who "own" their own pew. SUDDEN DEATH: The penalty to the pastor who preaches more than 25 minutes. TACKLE:
1. What happens to the only eligible
bachelor at the 35-and-over singles enrichment retreat.
2. Asking that "new couple" to
sing in the choir, work in the nursery, serve on a committee, join a
Bible study, and teach the middle schoolers before they get away.
TIME-OUT: Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: The pastor's wife looking at her watch in full view of the pastor. UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT: Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.
===============================
Mikey's Thot for the Day:
Our players have a lot on the ball.
Unfortunately, it's never their hands.
===============================
PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send this Funny
to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them you got
it from
* * * * * * * * * * (Thursday,
January 29) MORE LIKE
A WHISPER Sometimes
the mountain moves Sometimes
the waters part Chorus Sometimes
one candle burns Chorus Lord help me
listen whenever you speak Repeat Chorus Sometimes the answer is more like a whisper. (will add a low quality mp3 of this as soon as possible) * * * * * * * * * * (Saturday, January 24, 2004)
* * * * * * * * * * (Thursday, January 22, 2004) There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of the two days is YESTERDAY, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone. The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW, with its possible adversities, its burden, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds--but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn. That leaves only one day--TODAY--anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities--yesterday and tomorrow-- that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad--it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, live but one day at a time. --author
unknown * * * * * * * * * * (Sunday, January 18, 2004) When people around us are rejoicing and praising God while we are struggling through deep mire and floodwaters, we begin to wonder if something is wrong with us. We begin to feel like second-class Christians. And then the final straw comes if these people who are being blessed and who don't face the problems we do are quick to give us the glib answers: "Just praise the Lord . . . You are just not praising the Lord enough . . . What you need to do is take your stand . . . Just praise the Lord!" When the floodwaters of the cesspool have come up to your very soul, you don't need challenges; you need COMFORT. You need a friend to come alongside and say, "I am hurting with you ... I am standing with you ... I am weeping with you. I am undergirding you as best I can. Link your shield of faith with mine and somehow we will make it together." "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." --Isaiah 4031 from Daily Splashes of Joy by Barbara Johnson * * * * * * * * * * * (Friday,
January 16, 2004) DRESS CODE FOR SENIORS Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together: ~A nose ring and bifocals. ~Spiked hair and bald spots. ~A pierced tongue and dentures. ~Miniskirts and support hose. ~Ankle bracelets and corn pads. ~Speedos and cellulite ~A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar. ~Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor. ~Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge. ~Bikinis and liver spots. ~Short shorts and varicose veins.~Inline skates and a walker. But, otherwise, WE'RE LOOKIN' GOOD!!!
===============================
PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send this Funny
to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them you got
it from
(Tuesday, January 13, 2004) (Many of the chuckles I post are from Mikey's Funnies <www.MikeysFunnies.com>, an e-subscription sent out by Youth Specialties, a group that specializes in curriculum for church youth workers. I have been to one of their workshops...they are a great bunch. At the close of each email is something called "Mikey's Thot For The Day." Mikey adds a reminder..."I don't write 'em; I only pick 'em." Here are some of my favorites.) --A
seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. to be continued * * * * * * * * * * (Sunday, January 11, 2004) Our God is the God who follows. Have you sensed him following you? He is the one who came to seek and save the lost. Have you sensed him seeking you? Have you felt his presence through the kindness of a stranger? Through the majesty of a sunset or the mystery of romance? Through the question of a child or the commitment of a spouse? Through a word well spoken or a touch well timed, have you sensed him? . . . God gives us himself. Even when we choose our hovel over his house and our trash over his grace, still he follows. Never forcing us. Never leaving us. Patiently persistent. Faithfully present. He uses all his power to convince us that he is who he is and he can be trusted to lead us home. from The Gift for All People by Max Lucado * * * * * * * * * * (Saturday, January 10, 2004) YOUR DOG'S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 1. I will not play tug-of-war with Daddy's underwear when he's on the can. 2. I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. 3. I will not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 5. I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. 6. I will not eat the cat's food, before, or after, he eats it. 7. I will stop trying to find new places on the carpet when I am about to throw up. 8. I will not throw up in the car. 9. I will not roll on dead things. 10. I will stop considering the cat's litter box as a cookie jar. 11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose against her bottom. 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 15. I will not go crazy barking when I hear the neighbor's car start as he leaves for work at 5:00 a.m. 16. We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the television. 17. I will not steal my Mommy's underwear out of the laundry basket and then dance all over the back yard with them. 18. I will remember the sofa is not a face towel and neither are Mommy's & Daddy's laps. 19. I will remember my head does not belong in the refrigerator. 20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mommy's driver's license and car registration. received from Sermon Fodder...by way of Good Clean Funnies List * * * * * * * * * * (Thursday, January 8, 2004) THE WOLVES WITHIN An old Grandfather, whose grandson came to him with anger at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way." But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?" The Grandfather solemnly said, "The one I feed." --author unknown received through email * * * * * * * * * * (Tuesday, January 6, 2004) Recently I overheard a father and daughter at the airport in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough."She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked. "I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I asked what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment, and looking as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued...and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory :
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
He then began to sob and walked away. My friend, I wish you enough! received through email...source unknown * * * * * * * * * * * (Monday, January 5, 2004) Maybe all you have [is] a crazy hunch and a high hope. You have nothing to give. But you are hurting. And all you have to offer him is your hurt. Maybe that has kept you from coming to God. Oh, you've taken a step or two in his direction. But then you saw the other people around him. They seemed so clean, so neat, so trim and fit in their faith. And when you saw them, they blocked your view of him. So you stepped back. If that describes you, note carefully, ... one person [whom Christ] commended ... for having faith. It wasn't a wealthy giver. It wasn't a loyal follower. It wasn't an acclaimed teacher. It was a shame-struck, penniless outcast--[a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years]--who clutched onto her hunch that he could and her hope that he would. Which, by the way, isn't a bad definition of faith. A conviction that he can and a hope that he will. from He Still Moves Stones by Max Lucado * * * * * * * * * * (Saturday, January 3, 2004) ATTAINABLE RESOLUTIONS * * * * * * * * * * * (Friday, January 2, 2004) WE CHOOSE We choose
how we shall live; from a
Wichita, Kansas, church newsletter * * * * * * * * * * * (Thursday, January 1, 2004) A brand new year!!! May yours be filled to overflowing with God's blessings!!! The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. . . from Strengthening Your Grip by Charles R. Swindoll * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
home | remember when | meet cathye
background by Pat's Web
Graphics
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||