AMEN,
BROTHER!!!
While working on a lesson in
world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked
her students to bring something related to their family's faith to
class.
At the appropriate time she
asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the
students.
The first child said,
"I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said,
"I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."
The third child said,
"I am Catholic and this is my rosary."
The final child said,
"I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole
dish."
********** A mother was
preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys
began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother
saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. ********** After
the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm
going to give you some money." ********** A
little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination and looked
at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly something fell out of
the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an
old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. **********
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. ********** A
father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read,
"The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the
city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." ********** A
father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran
up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay
dead in the sand ********** Whenever your kids are out of
control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend
to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And
the first thing he said to them was "Don't" **********
You Might be in a Church in
Texas if...
1. The doors are never
locked.
2. The Call to Worship
is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble
about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and
five guys stand up.
5. The restrooms are
outside.
6. Opening day of deer
hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests
to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't
ever seen a hole it couldn't get me out of."
8. In the annual
stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves".
9. Never in its entire
100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy
any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains,
everybody's smiling.
11. Prayers regarding the
weather are a standard part of every worship service.
12. A singing group is known
as the "OK Chorale".
13. The church directory
doesn't have last names.
14. The pastor wears boots.
15. Four generations of one
family sit together in worship every Sunday.
16. The only time people
lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so
their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
17. There is no such thing
as a "secret" sin.
18. Baptism is referred to
as "branding".
19. There is a special
fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20. Finding and returning
lost sheep is not just a parable.
21. You miss worship one
Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen
calls inquiring about your health.
22. High notes on the organ
sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.
23. People wonder when Jesus
fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or
catfish.
24. People think
"Rapture" is what happens when you lift something too heavy.
25. The cemetery is in such
barren ground that people are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help
them rise in the Rapture or on Judgment Day.
26. It's not heaven, but you
can see heaven from there.
27. The final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear!"
background by Cathye
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