EWWWWWWWW!!!!!! |
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| The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, "I've got good news and bad news. First the good news. Today we're going to change our underwear." The troops start cheering wildly. "Now the bad news," continues the Sarge. "Smith, you change with Jones. Andrews, you change with Murphy..." ********** On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. she shook it, held it over her had, and said, "I bet I know what is is...flowers." "That's right!" said the boy. "But how did you know?" "Just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is...a box of candy. "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it over her head but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the liquid to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up! What is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy!" ********** A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit apprehensive but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!" ********** As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection... "Hold Johnny, (our six-week-old son), while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. And I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was *not* mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later my wife said, "Now you know why
they call that mustard 'Poupon.'" background by Cathye |