Her Hair is
WHAT COLOR??????? It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better, and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprise when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next. ********** A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the left, and there was another tree! I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left, and there was..." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." ********** A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" ********** A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's W." ********** A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment, said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!", and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know...some young woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." ********** A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited; she loves her phone. He explains all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi, hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell...but there's one thing I don't understand." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at WalMart?" ********** A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams...and so it goes. No matter where she touches her body, agony is apparent. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you? You're really a blonde." She sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde. "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." *********** A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, who is tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references...no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress...no answer. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and coworkers...to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. (And you thought blondes were dumb.) ********** Monday, I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but I was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the WalMart manager came and unplugged it. ********** One morning this blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over and help me. I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." The boyfriend asked, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde said "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's boyfriend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment...then he studies the box. He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." ********** A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive female neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "You've Got Mail." BUT THERE ISN'T ANYTHING HERE! ********** A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly from above a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!" ********** A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. ..the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
background by Cathye
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